compared to her, i’ve done nothing with my life. . .

i’m not a jealous type of person. usually. i mean i know that my life is not exactly how i wish it would have been; but everything has been as good as i could hope for, all things considered. i’ve got my bachelor’s degree (well i’m nine hours away and i’ll go through commencement ceremony in may) and i’ve recently taken and passed my LSAT’s so things are definitely on the up and up (of course law school tuition is not something i’m looking forward to. . .). so i’m pretty satisfied with the road that i’ve traveled so far. it’s been a long time coming, nearly eight years since i graduated from high school. i’ve gone through a trip that has taken me around the globe and passed through two colleges, i’ve changed my degree plan six times, took a year off to try and find myself (didn’t really happen,however europe is worth another look), all the while not caring about the achievements of the those in my graduating class who were rocketing through their college years in anticipation of entering “the real world”. i was never really driven to become a member of the bureaucratic business mentality (although it was the degree i was originally enrolled in because my family was very hesitant of my desire to be a history major), instead i was always the one who was interested in art gallery viewings and historical discoveries. in short i always felt the need to create was much more important than the need to produce. to be perfectly honest, i really do not desire to be a lawyer, it just happens to give me more of a fall back in case my writing career never takes off (to be frank; while i love to write i am definitely more of a people person, conversation with others is highly enjoyable to myself and i can spend hours debating/discussing topics with people for hours at a time). i guess this explanation was needed because i have recently moved back to my home town, as expected i have caught back up with many of those high school classmates who had either never left or those who like myself have come back home in search of “the real world” (in my case i find it ironic that i left this town because i did not want to get a degree from my hometown, and now i may end up with not only a bachelor degree but a law degree as well . . ). i bumped into a girl i used to know the other day and we ended up going out for drinks and just catching up. i explained to her my many travels and how i ended up back home and now i was considering law school. she patiently listened and seemed generally intrigued by what i had done, although we both commented on how i had definitely procrastinated ( i had graduated in the top ten percent of my class, which was no mean feat considering my class was 975 people). i laughed a little and then asked how her time had gone (she was a year younger and had graduated the following spring), i was completely amazed that not only had she acquired her bachelor’s degree (in three years!), she had gained her master degree and is currently seeking new employment in the sports administration world (oh yea, she had a administration job at a SEC school but resigned because she decided while she was living her dream, she wished to be closer to home so now she’s currently seeking a similar position in this area). her 25th birthday is this coming weekend, and in the seven years since she has graduated she’s exactly (if not further) than where she wanted to be. i’m glad for her but it’s kinda odd to me how the slightly unfocused girl who loved soccer and got a scholarship to play college ball ended up in an administration role, i asked who this all happened and the answer i got really shook me up. ” i guess i grew up, i don’t know how to put it any other way”, this girl learned how to focus and got what she wanted in life, and i’m over here still trying to figure out what i what to do with my life. i don’t know why this bothers me so much, lots of my friends have grow up and gotten “real jobs”, some have families, one even scaled Mt. Kilimanjaro (found out about his trip waaay too late because that’s something crazy that i would have done). i also know that i’ve done things that lots of people have dreamed of doing, i’ve been across the country and i’ve spent time in europe and asia, i’ve visited countless museums and seen priceless things, but i can’t help to feel like i’m the one who missed out. talking to her and now thinking about it, i sometimes think that all the things that i’ve done could have waited (not like the things are going anywhere), i feel like i’ve lost time and there is no way to catch back up to all the things that i’ve missed. for the first time ever,  i feel jealous when i think of a person’s life. i wonder if it’s because she’d younger than me, i wonder if it’s because i feel that i should have taken that road (one that at my two sister’s love to remind me of, how i’m the only child with out a degree. . . well at least i’ll finally accomplish that). i’ve always had pride in taking the road less traveled, of being a person who explores what the world is about and not just tried to be assimilated into the day to day grind that most find themselves in, but recently it just makes me feel like a vagabond. . .